Of Shotguns and Mockingbirds

Several men in my FB group were shocked at my #MeToo related statement that “all” little girls are sexually abused at some point in their lives.  Interestingly, none of the women expressed similar surprise.  Maybe I overstated…perhaps not all, I reconsidered (although studies show that 8 out of 10 women are routinely harassed in public places and that most don’t report such incidents). But then I wondered what would be an acceptable statistic for my friends in denial; 50% of us, maybe just 1 of us? Would that make the transgression palatable and would they, then, feel vindicated and exclaim “it’s only half of ya’ll…stop exaggerating!”. 

When I was at university in USA, an interesting debate was emerging on reverse discrimination. I found the premise ridiculous; a privileged group is not being discriminated against when another, less privileged one, gains the same rights. I feel the same way about reverse sexual harassment claims by men. The Demi Moore-Michael Douglas “Disclosure” style workplace role reversal may be a reality, but whatever its scale, it cannot diminish the colossal man-preys-on-woman power play. Any moment now I expect a male friend to throw a t-shirt captioned “Men are Sexually Harassed too” at me. Seriously…In Pakistan…where “chadar aur chardiwari” simply means harassment and violence within and “saat pardon mein” is merely an opportunity for oglers to stare-strip her, one covering at a time? 

But the tables are turned, at least for the moment. I never thought I would be defending men against the sisterhood, but here I am making an honest effort to do so given some recent cases. It also fascinates me that social media is not just a vehicle to “viralize” but sometimes an accomplice in the original sin. Chinese whispers, rumor mills and grapevines were benign in comparison to tweets, trolls and self-propagating fake news. God help us!

I don’t know anyone who does not receive unsolicited friend requests on FB. Indeed, even though I’m not inclined to expand my friends’ circle, I’ve shot off requests on a whim to some – William Darlymple, Noam Chomsky, Arif Lohar, Arundhati Roy, Javed Ghamdi, Daljit Dosanjh. It turns out my choices have public pages while their personal accounts are masked, so the matter is amicably settled with a “Like” giving me a fangirl’s satisfaction that I am now part of their revered, albeit highly extended, circles.  

I get a mass of friend requests, often from young boys my children’s age, invariably accompanied by a private message scaling the sinister-sleaze spectrum from the notorious “I waant to fraandship with you” to the sublime “Ma’am, I would be honoured…etc.” to the downright ridiculous “You have a lovely dp, you are so beautiful” (seriously…grey hair, sagging skin ‘n all? shiiiaaat!). It’s irritating, more because I worry for Gen Z’s mental and emotional state rather than for invasion of privacy or wasted time, but I don’t dwell upon it. I never accept, sometimes block, occasionally report. It’s a housekeeping process I undertake periodically and then forget about. I don’t consider it harassment for one simple reason; I am assured a mechanism which empowers me to reject the intrusion…to refuse…to protect myself. 

There is one unsettling difference between Sharmeen’s sister’s case and mine; the hormone-driven, confused desis seeking my attention are not my doctors, and therein lies the profound matter of ethics. Some associations are fragile…lawyer-client, doctor-patient, teacher-student…and must be handled with care. The doctor transgressed in sending a request to a patient, he should have known better. But, unless he is a serial-requester and a repeat offender and unless AKUH has proof of earlier misdemeanors, that is the extent of his misjudgment and he should have been punished in equal measure... certainly reprimanded, mentored towards correction, perhaps suspended for a short period. Fiend or saint, to be fired for sending a friend request defies logic. The only concession one can make here for AKUH is that their zero-tolerance policy disallows halfway measures and this is a case of strict application.

But I insist, there is gross injustice in the matter, first through Sharmeen’s damning tweets and then by the reputable AKUH’s unwarranted choice of punishment.  Numerous behavior patterns emerge, some subtle and others apparent. I’ve learnt new things while some earlier lessons are reinforced.

1. Sexual harassment is only incidentally about gender. At the heart of it lies the base instinct of “Power”; the powerful target the weak - be they men, women, institutions, countries or social classes. As Michael Douglas’s character learns in “Disclosure”, a woman with power can be a predator and a formidable antagonist. The unfortunate AKUH doctor discovered the same. 

2. A victim is one who is not empowered to emerge equal to the aggressor. When empowerment is assured through an operative, monitored method, one can probably not plead victim. In this case, the recipient had at her disposal a phenomenally effective means of empowerment; click…ignore…delete...remove! If the requester persisted, she had yet more options; block…report. She was intruded upon, but she was equipped to ward off the intrusion. A declaration of sexual harassment to the world was unnecessary. 

3. Entitlement, whether earned or inherited, has the potential to damage unless tempered with humility and responsibility. Recently, in Multan, a hapless mureed got his ears boxed for stepping on his misguided murshid’s foot by mistake. As power games go, I wonder how different that is from a woman of entitlement inaccurately projecting to the world a situation which eventually damaged a human being of lesser means.

4. Institutions and societies have human traits. When faced with a dilemma, they instinctively practice nepotism and side with the privileged.  AKUH’s reaction was a surprise given their sterling reputation, so I give them the benefit of doubt, but I wonder if equally severe punishment would have resulted against a complaint by a random woman from the wrong side of the bridge. 

5. Where power is concerned, animals practice greater restraint than humans. Animals exert power where they must, to survive. Beyond essential need, they pick no quarrels with fellow beings, big or small.  Humans, on the other hand, exert power because they can, not necessarily to survive but to gain unfair advantage even if it destroys fellow beings.  When Sharmeen tweeted sexual harassment to #Pakistan and beyond, I wonder if she took a moment to consider the accuracy of her declaration, or did she just do it because she could? 

6. While propaganda can undeservedly overstate an achievement, negativity of brand can unfairly diminish it.  Sharmeen Obaid Chinoy is an exceptional achiever. The stories she tells rankle Pakistanis because they expose our society’s dark underbelly, yet they are must-tell stories. That she opts not to patronize and glorify Pakistan but rather aims to tell stark, ugly truths about us is her choice entirely. One can wonder about her intentions but one cannot condemn her freedom to choose. Unfortunately, a grey smog of heavy- handedness, arrogance and hunger for publicity now surrounds her, especially after her latest faux pas, and this is damaging the intrinsic value of her brand.  She may not care about what Pakistan thinks, but she obviously cares much for her international standing. This, I believe, will hit her where it hurts. 

Atticus Finch is my favorite character in my favorite book. When I was little, knew nothing of the American South, had no concept of racism, I was so taken by his wisdom and compassion that I wanted to marry him. In my head, even before I watched the film, Atticus was as handsome as Gregory Peck and as gracious. I was smitten. I have read the book hundreds of times and Atticus’s warning to his children has forever remained with me; “Shoot all the blue jays you want, if you can hit 'em, but remember it's a sin to kill a mockingbird." In my world, every entitled, privileged Pakistani seems to be a kid with a shotgun looking to target a lesser, underprivileged fellow Pakistani – a mockingbird who does no harm and has no defense – just because she can.

Sharmeen may just have killed a mockingbird. 

Image credit: wjalexander.com